I often wonder why is that people lie. After all, nothing good comes out of it. Natural universal laws are set in motion so that when a lie is fabricated, a boomerang effect activates and the consequence of that lie comes back to the one who lied, sooner than later. Let's not deepen in the fact that lying hurts others, because then the debate of the "white lie" opens, and that is another conversation. Let's talk about the fact that lying is a waste of universal time.
Perhaps people lie because nobody has shown us how to say the truth, in a beneficial way, in service of everyone's happiness. It is true also, that sometimes the truth hurts, and more often than none it makes you uncomfortable. Hence, the truth has taken many forms. We have learn to say it, between lies. A waste of time if you ask me, because no matter how long it takes, the truth always arises to the surface, while lies hook into the emotional dance we dance with each other, and end breaking the circle of Trust.
Think about it. You might love the friend that told you a white lie to make you feel better, and appreciate the care, but the truth is that you learn to doubt everything else that is said after that. Even more wasteful, we learn to accept half hearted friendships, by identify the cues that other people use when they lie to us, then imitate them to avoid telling the truth, which is that they lie.
For example, a person might say. "Yes, I want to do this!" and then nothing at all happens. Usually your friends do it because they love you, and they want to motivate you with their enthusiasm. So instead of saying, "I love you and I want to motivate you with my enthusiasm, but the truth is that I am not ready to do this" they lie, and tell you over and over that they want to do this. Then more time is wasted as reality speaks for itself, when nothing gets done. A walk of fame will parade in the conversation with all the reasons why the friend hasn't done what was so enthusiastically offered to do, and not knowing how to end the cycle the conversation goes back to how much they do want to do this! Still, nothing gets done at all. This can continue for months. Until a silent agreement is agreed upon, that allows you both to continue being friends. So, next time you do this, and your friend tells you she or he wants to do this! You just smile and say how wonderful that is, perhaps have a superficial conversation about life, and continue living, sure that nothing will get done. Years go by. See why it is a waste of time?
Perhaps people lie not because we haven't learned how to say the truth, but because we have not learnt to listen to the truth. So when our friend tells us that they are not ready to do this, we react hurt, or we guilt our friend into feeling forced to act, against their own volition.
To tell the truth is one of the noble paths towards enlightenment. More than a path, It is a requirement. Without truth, there is no insight, without truth illusion takes over. Without truth you deny yourself and others the opportunity to see clearly. And a clear mind, is a peaceful mind.
Next time you want to say a white lie, think about this: Are you helping your friend by denying the truth? Or are you letting your friend build castles in the air, based on what you don't know how to say?
Next time someone tells you the truth, think about this: Are yo helping anyone by denying the other the opportunity to say the truth?
Let it not be our fear of seeing things as they are what motivates us to lie. Remember, when we die, every lie we have told ourselves, through the lies we tell, they will all come to us as we are crossing the bardos hoping to See the light. The common truth shared by those who have been death or close to dying is that in that moment you will wish you hadn't wasted .... so.... much .... time.
Here are 5 ways to say the truth:
Say what you mean. Use your words with awareness. Every word means exactly what it says. Don't use one word to say another. Only by being clear, you allow others to think clear.
Mean what you say. Speak from your heart, and as the heart goes, speak with love even when it is unloving what you must speak about. Understand that uncomfortable moments are usually how we learn about who we are. Truth is truth, it always gives you the opportunity to move on and consciously change.
Think before speaking. Is it true? Is it helpful? Is it needed? The ripples of your sound do shake the energy of others. Keep to yourself what benefits no one.
Listen with an open heart. Be open to the Truth. Let go of your assumptions. Be quiet, allow others to have space to tell you the truth.
Appreciate the truth, and most of all appreciate the truth teller. Those who tell the truth, give and receive the gift of freedom.